Exploring Bristol - hidden treasures

Oh, the bliss of a quiet January! I am just loving staying home, eating vegetables, staying off alcahol (mostly) and getting a bit more exercise. We had a lovely quiet weekend.

On Sunday afternoon we headed off walking along the stunning Avon Gorge path toward the village of Pill. (Yes, there's a place called 'Pill'. Don't ask me why!)

I've been along that path several times. It starts off in some slightly rough-looking areas with derilect old industrial buildings, bridges and lots of grafitti but soon gets onto a pretty river-side walk.

(See Andrew Withers' blog for more photos like the one here.)

So beautiful but not interested in cuddles

It then passes by the Avon and Somerset mounted police base. I love police horses so I had a friendly chat through the fence to a couple of completely un-interested horsies.

After trekking along the slightly muddy path for a while, I was surprised to discover an entry to Leigh Woods.

I'd only ever strayed briefly into Leigh Woods from the top near the Clifton Suspension Bridge. I had no idea it was so extensive. There are miles and miles of paths all up and down along beside the river Avon.






 The path up from the riverside was super-pretty but quite steep and very muddy. We sloshed up for about 15 minutes then gave up, promising to come back in dryer weather.

So now I'm looking forward to lots more walking up and down and around the lovely woodlands in the months to come. What a treat to discover all that nearly on our doorstep!

Winter weekend adventures

Ah, the last weekend of sanity before Christmas... We very deliberately kept it low key and thusly had a lovely weekend. Highlights?

Christmas market

 

There is a market that pops up near our house every few months. This weekend was a particularly big one and there was a lovely singer doing her own take on a range of songs from folk songs to carols and 90's pop songs. We had lunch with a friend and snapped up some local 'Wife of Bath' cheese to take for Christmas. We also got some handmade pies (chicken, bacon and leek) and some locally roasted and ground coffee. I'd been stalking a lovely statement necklace with fuschia and emerald green beads on a brass chain so I *suggested* to my husband that it'd make a good Christmas present.

It was sunny, there was mulled wine and handmade mince pies... Lovely.

 

 

 

Cathedral service

Our normal church was having a kids service so we popped into the cathedral. It's so festive! The choir in robes and ruffs, lighting the advent candle, 10 foot Christmas trees up the front. The only thing I kind of wish they did was incense, but they're not as 'high church' as that.

Also, WHY is it that churches uniformly don't take the opportunity of having more lovely Advent carols? "O Come, O come Emmanuel" is my favourite Christmas song and I haven't had the opportunity of singing it yet this year.

Blaise Castle Estate and Blaise Hamlet

 

We thought we'd have another go at actually finding the castle in this large local park. We spent a couple of hours walking about there in summer and managed to totally miss the castle.

This time we followed the signs carefully and (after a lovely scenic walk through the woods and several delightful encounters with squirrels) found our way to the top of the hill. There is a surprisingly small 'castle' built on the hill in the 1700s at the request of the rich landowner.


We also had a quick wander around the green of Blaise Hamlet. There are nine of the most riDICulously cute cottages you could imagine. Don't they look like Hobbit holes? You can see some more here.

They were built for pensioners of the Harford family who owned the estate. Imagine being so rich that the housing for your aged servants is designed by a famous architect! (John Nash, in case you're interested). They're all owned by The National Trust now but are still lived in by a few very lucky people. 

 On our way back to the car we stopped in at the cafe and got pulled (not at all reluctantly) into a lovely carol sing-a-long. There was quite a competant pianist and a group of about 15 from (I found out later) the local church. I had great fun doing the descants on the final verse of carols like "Once in Royal David's City" and doing the male king/ female page thing in "Good King Wenceslas".


Then we mulled lots of cider and ate the pies from the market for dinner with lots of gravy and steamed veg.

What did you do in the weekend? Nice festive things or are you just feeling frazzled?

English things - faff, spiders and paving stones

I've been noticing a few things about living in England recently that I just wouldn't have known about until I moved here. As a public service I'm warning you about them...

This came up by searching 'faff'?!?

Faff
In case you're not sure, to faff basically means 'fuss, flap, bother,' etc. It can be a verb or a noun i.e. "We can't faff around forever" or "There was the usual faff of getting through airport security". You can also be faffing about.

Let me warn you - there is a reason that this is a particularly English word. The flip-side of the beautifully polite and orderly queueing is a notable inefficiency. For example, even large chain cafes tend to have all their staff doing everything at once i.e. making coffee, taking orders, clearing tables (or not clearing them as the case may be). This is vastly slower than the practise in New Zealand of having a dedicated barista and someone else operating the till. I think the general tolerance of crowds and queues leads to less pressure to keep things moving. 

Autumn Spiders
I'm not going to give you a picture of this one! I'm fairly arachnophobic and I've been horrified to discover that it's an actual thing where every autumn large spiders suddenly start coming inside looking for a mate! This never happened in New Zealand (or least spiders came in every so often, but not en masse in one season). So far I've had two in bed at different times, including one crawling through my hair. NOT ON!

Trick paving stones
Here's another good autumn/winter tip - beware of the trick paving stones! English footpaths are covered in all sorts of things from old cobblestones to stone blocks, pavers, concrete or asphalt. If you've got paving underfoot and it's been raining recently, do step carefully. What can happen (and it's happened to me) is that a loose paver gathers a little reservoir of muddy water. When the time is right (i.e. when you step on it), the paver gushes filthy water over your shoes, up your legs and possibly even manages to splash your coat. This will comprehensively ruin your day.

So, just a few handy tips if you're thinking of emigrating or visiting. Are you going to adopt the word 'faff' now? (Try it, it's fun!).

The Cotswolds - death by tearooms!

Oh my goodness, the Cotswolds are revolting! I know this isn't the normal reaction (the area is very popular with tourists, particularly with Shakespeare fans going to Stratford on Avon) but there's something about the richness and almost fakeness of these twee little towns...

Recently my lovely husband wanted to go on a day trip. I'd had a visit to Hidecot recommended as it's a famous garden and fairly local to Bristol.

In the morning we fluffed around getting ready, eating breakfast etc. then eventually set off driving up the M4. Sadly by the time we'd stopped for a quick lunch and wended our way through the country lanes of Gloucestershire, it was heading on for 3:30pm.

We reluctantly decided it was too late to do the garden justice so instead we stopped in a market town called Chipping Campden in the area known as the Cotswolds for afternoon tea.

Why did the Cotswolds make me ever so slightly nauseated? Well, in these pretty little towns, every car is a new BMW, Range Rover, Audi etc. The houses are all of the same golden stone and piled close on top of each other with roses and hollyhocks around the doors. Houses have names, not numbers and most of them are hundreds of years old. There are dozens of tearooms, a couple of antique stores, maybe an art gallery and a few discreetly signposted useful shops. There's always a stunning church which shows that this village or market town has been rich for centuries. I just find it all a bit much - like eating too much clotted cream on too many scones. Have a look at the pics of a little town called Broadway to see what I mean...

I'm not that familiar with the Cotswolds, but I have driven all over the South-West. Even the prettiest towns in these counties like Dorset and Wiltshire (Marlborough, for example) seem more lived in by normal people than these Cotswold towns.

So, after a very nice but rather overpriced cherry bakewell slice and coffee in a twee little tea-room, we drove back to good old Bristol.

We will try again to see the gardens at Hidecot and we will also trot up and see Sudely Castle as I've heard good things about that too. Don't fret, we haven't entirely shaken the dust of the Cotswolds off our shoes, but still the place does kind of bring me out in hives... Am I just being odd here?

Do you feel lucky?

 

The other night I was achy and tired from several nights of poor sleep. My husband was out for the night. I picked up a book and a cardigan, poured a glass of chilled rose, shoved my feet into some shoes and walked out to sit by the harbour. 

I watched night fall in stages like a keen stagehand was dimming the lights, bit by bit.The water rippled and scintillated hypnotically, its pattern broken by fast rowing boats pulled by crews straining at the oars.

There was a tapestry of sounds - a single cry from a seagull, swallows flitting and twittering after some final bugs, people laughing and chatting outside the pub, the padding strides and puffed breath of occasional runners...

My cashmere cardigan was warm and soft around my shoulders, the wine was sweet and mellow as I sipped, the book was excellent but I spent long moments just soaking up the scene around me. 

I felt so lucky.

Four hours in Bath Spa

Last weekend we had some friends from New Zealand visiting. They only had a few hours in our part of the country so we suggested visiting Bath Spa. So, what to do with four hours in Bath?

There are HEAPS of excellent touristy things to do in Bath (and Bristol, and the surrounding countryside), but with strictly limited time we settled on the Roman Baths. We'd never been but had heard that they were awesome. They were pretty awesome.

 Street level where the people are standing on the balcony is a storey above where the baths were. They had actors on the lower level by the pool interacting with visitors. These two were a wealthy Roman lady and her slave explaining about cosmetics and hair and the latest fashions from Rome. There was also a centurion showing off his armour.

One of the surprising things was that it was a huge place with lots of underground excavations and rooms full of Roman artifacts. It took us a good couple of hours to go around and that was travelling at a decent pace.

It was a massive complex in Roman times with a temple, bath houses, gymnasium and more.

 This picture shows the ornamental pediment of the temple of Sulis Minerva with a fantastic Celtic-influenced gorgon's head. They projected images of what the whole thing would look like onto the remaining bits so you could really visualise it.

The face of the goddess Sulis Minerva was amazing - larger than life and so serene. Her gilt-bronze statue would have been kept in the 'holy of holies' by the sacred spring for only consecrated priests to see.

The coins glimmering at the bottom of this underground pool make it look like the night sky. The Roman bath complex had a range of hot and cold pools and even a sauna.











The thing that broke my heart was that the water was completely untreated so it wasn't safe to swim in or paddle in or even touch. Coming from New Zealand where I frequently visited thermal hot pools, this made me sad.

You can buy an expensive 'Spas ancient and modern package' to be able to swim in the modern hot pools a few metres away from the Roman Baths (and you get lunch as well). You can also get a cheaper combined ticket to also be able to visit the Bath Fashion Museum. I got the combined ticket as the Fashion Museum is another place that I've heard is good but have never been. I'm going soon so I'll report back.

The Roman sacred place is now overlooked by a Christian sacred place - the stunning Bath Abbey. I highly recommend a visit here too. If you go for Evensong it's free to get in and you get to hear the choir of little boys in ruffs*!

*Evensong is a Christian service so don't go if that doesn't appeal. Also, the boys only sing part of the time, but there is always choral music and it's always lovely.



So that was our whistle-stop tour of Bath. A quick lunch and a dash into a couple of shops and our time was up. I think we made a good choice in our tourist attraction though, don't you?

Of Mice and Men and American Novels

So my non-English readers may not know that the Education Minister (a fanatical little twerp called Michael Gove) has been micro-managing the English education system again, namely changing the books studied by 15 year olds. He has removed a lot of American fiction and replaced it with books by British authors.

Micheal Gove looks pretty much like this...

This has got a lot of people up in arms 'cos one of the main things reading can (and should) do for us is open our minds to different view points and teach us things about different time periods, different cultures, genders etc.

I learnt all I know about English history from reading historical novels while living in New Zealand (so yes, some of the details are a bit confused). Through reading I learnt about what it's like to live as a young aboriginal girl, as a 'bright young thing' in the 1920s, as a child during World War II, as a prisoner is a Russian gulag, as a private investigator in Singapore, as a poor farmer in the Great Depression in America and much more.

You may be able to guess that I was (and still am to a lesser extent) a prolific reader. I was also a secondary school English teacher so I read a range of 'set texts' and other teenage fiction. My experience and research shows that the vast majority of teenagers only pick up a book if forced to at school. It's a phenomenon - when they turn 14, they stop reading fiction (especially the boys).

So, what kids read and study at school is pretty important because it may well be the only books they read that year and may even encourage or discourage ongoing reading habits. As a teacher, I found that if kids enjoyed what we were reading in class, many of them could be encouraged to read around the novel by picking similar authors, similar topics or more books by the same author.

Personally, I can't stand John Steinbeck. I just can't be doing with his depressed world-view. As a precocious 13 year old, I got an A on an essay castigating 'The Pearl' as a novel where things just went from bad to worse for the characters. However, Steinbeck does write books that are at a reasonably easy reading level, have clear themes and are well-written. Removing 'Of Mice and Men' from the curriculum is a stupid mistake if you ask me.

And as for 'To Kill a Mockingbird'! It is a very oddly structured novel, but it's strangely gripping. The theme is still vitally important and Atticus Finch is a fantastic role model. That book should definitely stay and it would make a great link with a history unit looking at racism in America and the UK between the wars.

So what's my point? I guess I'm saying that teenagers should be exposed to fiction from a range of contexts. And Micheal Gove is a twerp. 

 What's your favourite American novel? One of my top ten is 'St Agnes Stand' by Thomas Eidson (check it out if you haven't already read it).

What do you think about countries emphasising their own literature over world literature?

Also, if  you've got a teenager of your own (or know one), here's a handy guide to encourage their reading.

Six reasons to love Bristol

I love Bristol with a big love. I've been living here for around two years and it still makes me smile on a regular basis. The Bristol Culture site regularly has articles of semi-famous Bristol folks talking about their favourite bits - here are mine, in no particular order (plus a pretty picture of the harbour that I took one evening).

The Windmill Pub
I think these guys do the best roast in Bristol. Every bit of the meal is carefully prepared from the fresh crisp yorkies to the creamy leeks, spicy red cabbage and tender meat. Amazing. They have a laid back but comfy atmosphere in the pub and all the papers to read on a Sunday.

St Nicholas Market
Particularly the Moroccan stall and the Middle Eastern food stall down the end opposite the fabric stall. The Moroccan place does the most tender meat, beautifully spiced and melting in your mouth with delicious sauce and tasty rice or cous cous. The Middle Eastern place does fantastic meals with every part of the dish carefully spiced and prepared. Their freshly cooked flat-bread is an essential compliment to the meal. There is also a wide choice of other foods from Pieminster pies to local sausages, Jamaican, Indian, BBQ, Felafel wraps and more plus several pubs (including the excellent Rummer Hotel tucked away off All Saints Lane).

St Nicholas Market and Corn Street are historic (established in 1743) and picturesque with craft stalls inside. Along Corn Street are four brass 'nails' with the earliest from around 1560 and the Registry Office where you often see weddings taking place on a Saturday. We end up visiting here most weekends, especially as it's on the way to the shopping centre.

Ashton Court

Bristol is full of lovely parks and green spaces. Our local one is the gorgeous Ashton Court; a 16th Century house and deer park with 19th Century gardens and acres of rolling fields and woods. The property was gifted to Bristol and is a great asset to the city (but don't bother with the cafe, it's complete rubbish). There is a weekly farmer's market, a small golf course, horse riding, a mountain bike track and of course the massive annual hot air ballon festival (more about that later).

The Ferries

Even though it's quite a way from the coast, Bristol's heart is its harbour. The small locked harbour and rivers are criss-crossed with ferries. For 80p you can cross from the SS Great Britain to the other side of the harbour (I recommend checking out the Grain  Barge for a drink and a meal while you're there) or for a few pounds you can toddle gently up and down the harbour taking in the sights, admiring the passing swans and possibly getting somewhere useful like the railway station or near the shopping centre.

Festivals
Bristol has masses of different festivals (many of them free) throughout the year. Mayfest is probably my favourite - a condensed 10 days of theatre, dance, music and more with all sorts of top quality bizarre bits and pieces including award-winning shows from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Last year we loved a 1940s cabaret/ musical version of Beowulf by a hugely talented cast from America.

Police horses

There are police horses stationed fairly close to our house and they can often be seen in pairs around the city centre. They are huge and brave and beautiful and I love them. They're worth a follow on Twitter for the cute photos. If you're in Bristol and happen to see them going by you can generally pat them if you ask first.

I've got lots more things to say about this fabulous city, but that'll do for now.

The Thin White Duke look

Since coming to England, I've come up with a theory... you can often tell if people are English by looking at them.  One common look for guys is what I call the Thin White Duke look. Hair is mousy blond/ light brown. Face is angular and may be longish or squarish with a definite nose. Hair cut is floppy. The best examples of this look are thin as well.

For example the original and the best: David Bowie

Then there's my current hero: Alex Kapranos from Franz Ferdinand

 

And his older cousin (not really, but still) Brett Anderson from Suede

 

And Matt Bellamy from Muse looks rather similar too (if you pick the right photo)

 

Moving from music to acting, I love Arthur Darvill (from Doctor Who and other things) and think he's a version of the Thin White Duke thing...

 

Obviously these guys don't look like twins or even brothers and some of them aren't fully English by birth, but do you see what I'm talking about? And (sigh) aren't they cute?

A brilliant South-West day out

We have a small flat so my lovely husband didn't want *stuff* for his birthday. I scouted around the internet for an experience to give him as a birthday present and settled on a Hawk Walk with West of England Falconry. Spoiler alert: it was amazing!

We lucked out with the most gorgeous warm spring day (after a week of grey, drizzly cold weather). We managed to navigate our way out to the the falconry centre located in a ridiculously beautiful Somerset village.

Jay (who runs the place) was friendly, relaxed and obviously knowledgeable.

We admired some of the various birds in their aviaries then got kitted out in falconry gloves and vests with bits of meat in one pocket. There were plastic gloves for the squeamish, but having brought up on a farm, I was comfortable picking up the meat with a bare hand.

We followed Jay and Mogwai the Harris Hawk on a short walk up a pretty woodland track to a field where we took turns to hold out food and have Mogwai swoop in from a tree to our glove.

As you can see, he is such a beautiful bird and such a gentleman (gentlebird?) that I never felt worried about having a bird of prey inches from my face. I even got to stroke his breast feathers. We probably over an hour in the field, enjoying the sunshine, admiring the beautiful rural views, chatting about local history and interacting with Mogwai as he got his lunch and some exercise.

Once back at the falconry centre, we were invited in to met Arthur, the young burrowing owl. Isn't he just the cutest thing?! Evidently he snuggles up on the couch with Jay when he's watching TV. I kind of really want a baby burrowing owl...

We left our car parked in the village and had a short scenic walk up the Bristol-Bath cycle path to an excellent local pub for a well-earned lunch.

It was a brilliant day out and best of all, it was much more reasonably priced than many other falconry experiences (which are also usually in groups).

So, if you're in the area, I recommend you book well ahead and experience an incredible day out!

Four and a half highlights of London (for tourists)

So a wee while ago I posted about planning a visit to the UK and kind of dissed London. The lovely Duchesse mentioned that I was possibly being a little unfair as it is one of the great cities of the world. So I thought I'd let you know about some of my favourite places of visit and things to do while in London town.

The V & A
I've written before about how much I love this place. It's very me. A repository of the most beautiful things made by people. My favourite bits are the dresses and jewellery but even things you think won't be interesting like say 'ironwork' have amazing examples of craftsmanship and are nicely displayed with information to put them in context.

On a practical note, unlike the nearby Science museum, I've never seen a queue to get into the V & A and there's always room to move inside. The temporary exhibitions like the recent David Bowie retrospective get very busy with sold out shows and timed entry, but there's plenty to look at without bothering with them.

Also, the tearooms are worth a visit of their own accord. Squeeze into the William Morris room (you might have to share a table) and enjoy the view with your Devonshire tea. Admission is free.

Kew Gardens
I've only been once so far, but it was one of the highlights of an earlier visit to England. Kew Gardens are huge and varied and just beautiful. I saw two and a half squirrels (the half is a probable but not definite sighting). The little shops and tea rooms are excellent. It's not particularly cheap to get in, but it is a whole day's entertainment. Did you know there were historic buildings there as well as all the lovely garden stuff? I recommend having a good look at the Royal Palace where King George III was held during his periods of 'madness'. 

The Wallace Collection
This is my top recommendation of all the huge and amazing art galleries in London - largely because it's not so huge! Also, it's in a lovely old building and does have a good collection of art and object d'art. Admission is free.

 Regent's Park
Mainly the Boating Lake and the squirrels. There are very fat, tame squirrels to be seen in Regent's Park which is nice if you're from somewhere lacking in the squirrel department. Also, you can (and should) hire pedalo boats and paddle about the Boating Lake, admiring the different types of water fowl and generally taking the air. 





One last recommendation - check what's on and book something that takes your fancy. It could be a concert at the O2 arena, some theatre at Shakespeare's Globe (highly recommended if you're into that sort of thing), opera, stand up comedy, a big flashy musical... there is always so much going on and while a lot of it is quite expensive, it is amazing.

So, what do you think - have I missed anything vital? Any suggestions.

Why you shouldn't bother visiting Birmingham

 

Porsepine by Rossetti

Sorry to be harsh, but really, there are dozens of nicer cities in the UK to visit. It may be the second biggest city after London, but it's nothing like London. Birmingham is far less 'urban' and cool than smaller cities like Bristol or Manchester.

Disclosure - we were only there for two days but we did stay in a central city hotel and wander about the city.













Pros:
* Strangely lots of parking for the middle of a big city. Cheap gravelled lots where you could park for 24 hours. Helpful.
* Big train station in the middle of town with trains going straight to the venue for the Depeche Mode gig.

Martin Gore singing at the Depeche Mode gig

* We went to see Depeche Mode play at the NEC - not quite as good a gig as the one we saw at the O2 Arena in London, but still pretty enjoyable. 

* Birmingham Museum & Art Gallery - lovely Pre-Raphaelite paintings like the one I've shown by Rossetti and quite a nice tea room (on the downside, they are building new galleries so bits of it were closed or just empty).

Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery

Quaint tea rooms at Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery

Cons:
* Birmingham New Street station is undergoing a big refurbishment - sadly the main idea in refurbishment of railway stations in Britain is to create a great big echoing 'futuristic' space with no seats. Also, the trains were really annoying.
* Birmingham's just boring really. It has a few pretty buildings, but it mostly grew up around the industrial age. The big shopping centre at the Bullring is just like any other big shopping centre around the UK with the same chain stores, but bigger. Evidently there are canals but we didn't really explore that far.

So... I suggested some good places to visit in England here. Try one of them instead! Or let me know if you think I'm being a bit harsh on old Brummie-land.

Planning a trip to the UK?

I love Bristol!

A friend is coming to visit England in June and I've been excitedly giving her travel tips so I thought I'd toss my ideas out for you to play with.

Tip one: Public transport
Coming to England from some countries (like New Zealand) you might not be used there being as much public transport as there is here. I never used the train in New Zealand, whereas here it's often the best (if not cheapest) way of getting around.

Trains are generally the nicest way of travelling (as long as they're not packed commuter trains). They are substantially cheaper off peak, on weekends and if booking in advance (months in advance). Try the Trainline. Be aware that trains are sometimes cancelled or late so given yourself plenty of extra time if you're doing something time-critical, especially in winter.

Inter-city coaches are much cheaper than trains and fine if you're on a budget. They can be slowed down by traffic and they need to get a bit smelly and tiresome after several hours. I've used National Express coaches several times.

In London get an Oyster card and load it up so you can easily get around by tube, bus or train. I find the tube heaps easier and quicker than buses, although I'd suggest trying to avoid travelling at rush hour in central London as the natives get pretty shirty at anyone who isn't sure of where to go or isn't moving at top speed.

Tip two: Winter closing
It annoys me mightily, but lots of the National Trust properties and some of the English Heritage properties close during winter. Closing times vary from October late December to February or March. The lovely Welsh guys Cadw are better at staying open and they have amazing castles to visit just over the border from England.

Tip three: Sunday closing
Basically the best thing to do in England on a Sunday is have an enormous roast lunch at a pub then toddle off to Evensong at a cathedral. There's not much else to do* as shops are only open for about five hours and much of the public transport doesn't run.

Tip four: Where to go
Well, I think there's so much cool stuff that it'd take a lifetime to scratch the surface, but if I had to chose a few favourites...

• Bath - Georgian architecture, Jane Austen settings like the Pump Room and Sydney Gardens, lovely museum/art gallery called The Holburne, evidently the Roman Baths are great but I haven't been yet.
• Salisbury or Winchester - both cute small cities with a quaint old town centre. Salisbury has a deservedly famous cathedral while Winchester has the ruins of a castle with an old round table (the inspiration for Arthur's Round Table?)
• Cardiff - great shopping and eating and a lovely restored castle right in the middle of town. Also the Dr Who Experience for fans. 
• Pretty much anywhere in the countryside. You'll need a hire car, but there are different sorts of gorgeous scenery all over the place. The Cotswolds are a line of hills running through Oxfordshire. Gloucestershire and surrounds - they are an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty (it's a thing). The National Parks I've been to are lovely - Exmoor and the Brecon Beacons particularly. Pretty much the whole county of Dorset is stunning.
• York or Chester (but probably York) - medieval city walls in both, Roman ruins in Chester, Tudor houses and cute little shops in both, York Minster church.

You'll notice I'm not saying London. I think most of the touristy things you see in London can be replaced with similar things elsewhere that are less crowded and cheaper to get into. I do recommend Shakespeare's Globe Theatre, but you'll have to book six months in advance to get in (worth doing nonetheless). The shopping in London is better than anywhere else in the country but Oxford Street is craaaaazy busy at peak times and some of the chain stores are overwhelmingly huge. I loved Kew Gardens.

I'm also not saying Bristol, even though I love living here. It is the best place to live in England and there is plenty for tourists to enjoy here, but it's not one of the top few tourist destinations in the UK. 

Also, I haven't yet been to Northern Ireland and I didn't looove Edinburgh. I'm looking forward to seeing more of Scotland so I'll let you know how I get on.

Tip five: A dearth of squirrels
British people don't seem to realise how cute their wildlife is and how much we foreigners would really like to see it.

You can go and see deer in deer parks and otters in WWT wetland centres (highly recommended), but there isn't really anywhere to see foxes and badgers and squirrels etc. I spent my first few trips to England staring at trees as I walked about but only saw about two squirrels in two weeks. If you want to see squirrels - go to a public park where people feed them and look on the ground as well as in trees.

Right, I think that'll do for now. Anyone got any other tips to share? Or any challenges to my admittedly biased viewpoints?

* This is a wild exaggeration.