The lead-up to Christmas tends to feel like a race. I galloped and galloped and made it past the post with no major disasters but of course, now I have a cold.
Do you do this? Get sick as soon as the pressure's off? I can pretty much set my clock by it. So here I am in the lull between Christmas and normal life... in bed, drugged up, blowing my nose... Oh well, at least it's forcing me to rest. I guess that's the point.
It's also quite nice to have some fallow time to acknowledge the change of season. All the frantic Christmas festivity is over. All five advent candles have been lit and been snuffed. Winter solstice has been. We're now into proper winter (it's suddenly gotten colder) with the creep towards spring, more daylight, a few hardly bulbs peeking through the soil and the bloom into full summer.
Awww... look at her face!
I have a massive list of chores that I could be doing on in my few days off, but I'm not able to do any of them.
Hopefully tomorrow I'll be up to mattress shopping as our landlord's mattress has really given up the ghost. We got Christmas money to go towards a new mattress and we're itching to spend it. It will be lovely to have a comfy bed.
I'm also looking forward to be healthy enough to get on the wagon of eating nothing but vegetables and taking a daily run. Well, I exaggerate somewhat, but I am a big blob at the moment and need to indulge in the traditional January masochism. Soon, my pretty, pretty...
Brrr... baby it's cold outside! I'm deeply hunkered down into the couch, furry slippers on my feet. I walked home in the dark with a cold wind blowing through my hair and making my ears ache. It's hibernation time.
So, what are some of the pleasures of this time of year?
Mulled cider
Photo: John Wright
I'd never had mulled cider until I moved to Bristol (the South-West of England is a big cider region). I recommend you give it a go as it's delicious!
* Making sure it doesn't boil (or it'll lose all its alcohol)
* Adding traditional spices like cinnamon, a little nutmeg, about six cloves.
* Peel the skin off an orange in small strips and add.
* Be cautious about adding sugar. Use caster sugar so it disolves more easily and taste after every dessert spoonful. A lot depends on how dry your cider is.
* Add an extra slosh of Calvados (apple brandy) or dark rum when serving.
Rugging up
Now it's gotten properly cold I can wear a jumper or cardigan to work all day and not get too hot. Often I'm in a scarf most of the day too. Gloves are a necessity for walking outside and I'm back to being grateful for my warm wool and cashmere duffle coat.
I'm carrying a few more pounds that I have for a while, but winter clothes are so forgiving that I'm okay with it for now.
Also, I can pull tights over my dry, white, unwaxed legs (sounds appealing, non? Luckily my husband doesn't care and nor do I).
Robins
There are many lovely festive things about December but robins are one of my favourite. They sing beautifully, they're unshakably perky and cute, they're quite tame and common enough that you're likely to see them regularly.
The only slightly odd thing is that they're clearly orange at the front, not red as popular culture insists. Wikipedia informs me that the colour name 'orange' didn't exist in England 'till the 16th Century as the fruit hadn't been imported yet.
Anyway, they're lovely and particularly good on bare winter branches.
So, I'm enjoying a nice quiet week at home after all my gallivanting. What about you - are you hibernating or running around like a mad thing? Or is it summer where you are?
So I'm back home now, after a whole week away in a couple of different places for work. It's been a huge week, but a helpful one. I thought I'd mull over what I've learned in case it's helpful for you in your work or personal life.
(Also, I'm popping in pics of Alex Skarsgard 'cos he's lush. Far more interesting than stock photos of people in suits shaking hands.)
1. There really isn't anything to beat face to face meetings.
Alex agrees with me on this point.
We did a big conference for one part of our organisation. Again and again people were saying how great it was to 'put a face to a name' and how they felt comfortable referring clients to each now that they had met the person they would be referring to.
We try very hard to be connected using things like email, online messaging, teleconferencing or video conferencing, but this week reaffirmed the vital importance of meeting in person.
An even more important aspect is time to have a coffee, chat over a drink, have a meal together. The best ideas and conversations happen when something is going into our mouths!
2. There's a lot of value in personality tests - but not what you'd think.
Alex is more a do-er than a thinker
Another part of my week was a big team meeting which involved some input from a personality test company. Now, you may know that the concept of personality 'types' has been largely dismissed by psychology as it is not supported by research. Putting people into one of a few personality 'types' isn't much more valid than describing people using their star sign. Many psychologists even take issue with the idea of personality traits (though the majority agree on the 'Big Five' model).
This hasn't stopped enterprising people setting up businesses selling bespoke personality tests to businesses. The output of these tests can easily be harmful if used incorrectly, for example as the main factor in recruiting staff.
HOWEVER given all those disclaimers, I think it is really useful to put aside time to have open discussions about what we're really like as people and how we like to be treated.
We are a very new team so it was helpful to have time together to start to get to know each other and to reflect on ourselves. I have already spent a considerable amount of time working on my self-awareness but I did actually gain some more insights through this experience.
3. Being powerful isn't bad.
Eric Northman and I are both strong characters
I've known since my teens that I'm naturally a very full-on, direct person. And that almost everyone else finds that overpowering and unpleasant, especially in a woman. I've been working all the time to soften myself down, to be more gentle, slower, more collaborative, give others time to speak etc. The message from a lot of quarters has been 'Who you are is wrong'.
Still, we did a series of challenges as part of a team building exercise. Our team won. A biggish part of that was me quickly coming up with ideas, nudging others into action and keeping on task. I think I managed to do this while giving others a chance to contribute and without being domineering. So, maybe being a strong natural leader has its uses.
So, did you enjoy the Alex pics? Any other thoughts?
So for some reason, the vast majority of my readers are from America. It's a bit odd 'cos I'm a New Zealander by birth and living (and writing about) in England but I really appreciate you guys!
Anyway, as you probably realise, we don't have Thanksgiving here. This is just an ordinary week in late Autumn.
For me, this has been a really tough week. Lots of angst at work, lots of people getting heated, lots of difficulties to negotiate and unmanageably huge amounts of work to do. So, as well as sweating it out at the gym every day (impressive, eh?), I thought it would be a good idea to practise gratitude.
What are the benefits of gratitude?
"More than any other personality trait, gratitude is strongly linked to
mental health and life satisfaction...
Not only is gratitude a warm and uplifting way to feel, it benefits
the body as well. People who experience gratitude cope better with
stress, recover more quickly from illness, and enjoy more robust
physical health, including lower blood pressure and better immune
function." http://ei.yale.edu/what-is-gratitude/
Good enough for me! So, to get on with the gratitude, I am thankful for:
http://jaceksphotos.com/st-mary-redcliffe-church/
The beauty of Bristol, of England, of autumn, of the wildlife.
I still appreciate walking through the park with the streetlights shining through the mist, large plane-tree leaves on the ground, golden leaves on the branches above, quaint cobbled streets and the amazingly beautiful St Mary Redcliffe church lit up to show off its sculptures.
We have adorable blue tits in the tree outside our kitchen window. I regularly see red kites, buzzards and other raptors on my way to work.
My lovely husband
Not to get too soppy on you, but we've been married nearly 14 years and together for over half our lives. He is (to coin a cliche) my rock, my best friend and is generally a good person to have around.
How much I have managed to learn about doing my job
I did a short project management course this week and I found it rather affirming. It was really nice to see that I did actually know how to use all the tools and also some of the traps that you can fall into.
We've also had a bunch of new people at work and again, it has shown up how much I have actually managed to learn. I've still got the rest of my career to keep learning, but it's comforting to see that after about 15 years of work, I have managed to gain some skills.
Food and drink!
As much as I'd like not to be the size of a house, I do love my food. I'm grateful for good coffee in the morning (using our aeropress - it's delicious, try it!) and nice wine at night. I'm grateful for the cafe down the road from work which makes good quality food for reasonable prices. I nipped out for a very late lunch today and got a mix of Greek salad and pasta salad and a chocolate brownie for under £5.
So, happy Thanksgiving one and all and remember to regularly practise gratitude. You can start by telling me one thing you're grateful for, if you like.
In our small flat, we're not allowed to keep a pet. We love cats, so we make up for our lack of cat by borrowing some of the many neighbourhood moggies.
There are four small black cats locally. This pic is one of the two who are brother and sister. We call them 'The Invisible Tabby' and 'The Invisible Tabby's Brother' because in sunlight they have subtle tabby markings.
Then we have another brother and sister pair - Earl and Assam. They have name tags and we approve of their names (named after types of tea) so they've stayed with their given names.
Earl is quite a lot smaller than Assam. They're both nice-natured animals who like cuddles and bits of string. I suspect they're Burmese.
This handsome ginger fellow we named 'Weasley' after the red-headed family in the Harry Potter books. We saw him a bit as a kitten but haven't seen him much since then. In fact this might be the only time he's been in. Either he's indoors a lot or just doesn't hang around near our flat.
We call this cat 'Fluffybum' because she's "so fluffy I could die!" and also she seems to suit a silly name.
She's a sweet little thing - very light and tiny under all that fur. She was being badly neglected by her divorcing family and is a bit skittish (though also affectionate and very playful). She has had a happy ending in that another local couple have adopted her. Now she is always beautifully groomed and looking healthy.
Another couple of gratuitous pics of Earl. This is last year when she battled and eventually defeated our Christmas tree. There wasn't anything delicate on the tree so we let her get on with it. (In spite of Earl being a male name, we think she's female cos she's so tiny).
A slightly younger Earl enjoying some strokes on the windowsill.
This cat we call 'Skinnytail'. It's a nasty creature, prone to chasing birds, fighting other cats and attacking the hand that feeds it cat treats.
This one might just be my favourite. We named him 'Cat Treats' because that's what we call to summon him. Also, he's so lovely and smoochy he's a treat for us. He has been known to roll around on the bed and nuzzle my nose with his nose. So sweet!
He's a Norwegian Forest cat with a big ruff and a foofy tail. His owners don't brush him enough so he gets matted fur. We occasionally have a go at snipping out the worst tangles. He's very trusting and quite happy to be groomed.
So, that's most of our neighbourhood cats. We are very lucky that we get visits to cheer us in our catless state.
I've been noticing a few things about living in England recently that I just wouldn't have known about until I moved here. As a public service I'm warning you about them...
This came up by searching 'faff'?!?
Faff
In case you're not sure, to faff basically means 'fuss, flap, bother,' etc. It can be a verb or a noun i.e. "We can't faff around forever" or "There was the usual faff of getting through airport security". You can also be faffing about.
Let me warn you - there is a reason that this is a particularly English word. The flip-side of the beautifully polite and orderly queueing is a notable inefficiency. For example, even large chain cafes tend to have all their staff doing everything at once i.e. making coffee, taking orders, clearing tables (or not clearing them as the case may be). This is vastly slower than the practise in New Zealand of having a dedicated barista and someone else operating the till. I think the general tolerance of crowds and queues leads to less pressure to keep things moving.
Autumn Spiders
I'm not going to give you a picture of this one! I'm fairly arachnophobic and I've been horrified to discover that it's an actual thing where every autumn large spiders suddenly start coming inside looking for a mate! This never happened in New Zealand (or least spiders came in every so often, but not en masse in one season). So far I've had two in bed at different times, including one crawling through my hair. NOT ON!
Trick paving stones
Here's another good autumn/winter tip - beware of the trick paving stones! English footpaths are covered in all sorts of things from old cobblestones to stone blocks, pavers, concrete or asphalt. If you've got paving underfoot and it's been raining recently, do step carefully. What can happen (and it's happened to me) is that a loose paver gathers a little reservoir of muddy water. When the time is right (i.e. when you step on it), the paver gushes filthy water over your shoes, up your legs and possibly even manages to splash your coat. This will comprehensively ruin your day.
So, just a few handy tips if you're thinking of emigrating or visiting. Are you going to adopt the word 'faff' now? (Try it, it's fun!).
A couple of comments on my last post got me thinking... First of the wonderful Duchesse (go and see her blog, it's a delight) commented that,
"You may not be as pretty as in your 20s but I'll bet you are a more fascinating woman!"
And a friend commented on Facebook:
"
I would agree that everyone gets more interesting as they age, as long
as they take pains to keep their habits and activities fresh and out of a
rut. I'd say you are accomplishing this nicely!"
Excellent words of wisdom! I'll be mulling over this 'facinating woman' idea for some time to come, I think. Trying it on, tweaking it about, seeing if it fits and how I can style it.
I just tried searching the phrase 'facinating woman' and came up with a lot of traditional American homemaker stuff. Ick. Not my idea of fascinating. I'm more in tune with my friend's comment about becoming more interesting as we age by making sure we keep learning and growing.
The Shakespeare quote alluded to in the title is "Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite variety". My overriding philosophy since moving to England has been 'Try something new'. I wouldn't claim (or want) infinite variety but I have loved stepping out of the old ruts of who I think I am and what I think I do. My younger self wouldn't recognise me in some aspects these days.
I do recommend a seismic change every so often. I transformed myself around age 15 when I found a group of friends who hadn't known me since I was a baby. Being a new context allowed me to work out who I really was, instead of being stuck with the old expectations and patterns. Now with this move I've been freer to do that again.
So
what? Well, I guess I'll keep working on this fascinating thing and see
where that takes me. What do you think - do people get more interesting
as they age?
The phrase 'reassess your level of awesomeness' popped up in a blog, article or comment somewhere in the last week and it's kind of stuck in my head.
I've always been ridiculously confident in my level of awesomeness in areas where I've chosen to engage. I do/ did have a trend of not getting involved in something unless I thought I could easily succeed. My favourite ever school report comment was for Physical Education. It went something like "Eleanorjane needs to learn that cynicism is no substitute for effort". Teachers can't get away with writing stuff like that these days and the world is a poorer place for it!
I have (very sadly and slowly) realised that I'm probably never going to turn heads with my looks again. I was never a 10 in terms of looks, but I did enjoy dressing up and feeling pretty in my teens and 20s. I can still dress up, but I'll never be as pretty as I was...
Anyway, I've had a few experiences lately that I have caused me to reassess my level of awesomeness in a couple of other areas.
Firstly, singing. There's a local group that meets every couple of weeks to jam. We get a set list and I do a bit of practise to make sure that I have some idea of how the songs go. I was excited about last week because one of the songs was 'Rolling in the Deep' by Adele. I had a bit of a practise and even recorded myself to make sure I didn't sound too 'classical'. I thought I had it sorted. On the day though, I got flustered, started off wrong and it was just horrible. Something that should be been a showpiece was so painful that everyone quickly decided that the song was off the set-list for good. I did fine on the other songs, but this really knocked my confidence.
Next, work. We had a big meeting. I was there as one of a panel with a few other folks. When speaking to the whole group, I was interrupted and my comments clearly didn't go down well. In contrast, an amazing senior woman had them sitting in the palm of her hand. I was in awe of how diplomatically she phrased things, how she made small concessions seem like big concessions and managed the whole thing. I wasn't the only one who was impressed as the room went quiet whenever she opened her mouth. I know it's not fair to compare myself to someone with 20 years more experience than me, but still...
So, I'm a bit down tonight. Maybe this dose of humility will be good for me. Or maybe I'll bounce back to my normal optimistic self. We'll see.
The other night I was achy and tired from several nights of poor sleep. My husband was out for the night. I picked up a book and a cardigan, poured a glass of chilled rose, shoved my feet into some shoes and walked out to sit by the harbour.
I watched night fall in stages like a keen stagehand was dimming the lights, bit by bit.The water rippled and scintillated hypnotically, its pattern broken by fast rowing boats pulled by crews straining at the oars.
There was a tapestry of sounds - a single cry from a seagull, swallows flitting and twittering after some final bugs, people laughing and chatting outside the pub, the padding strides and puffed breath of occasional runners...
My cashmere cardigan was warm and soft around my shoulders, the wine was sweet and mellow as I sipped, the book was excellent but I spent long moments just soaking up the scene around me.
"The crickets sang in the grasses. They sang the song of summer’s
ending, a sad, monotonous song. “Summer is over and gone,” they sang.
“Over and gone, over and gone. Summer is dying, dying.”
The crickets felt it was their duty to warn everybody that summertime
cannot last forever. Even on the most beautiful days in the whole year
— the days when summer is changing into fall the crickets spread the
rumor of sadness and change." Charlotte's Web, E. B. White
This is a beautiful piece of writing from a lovely book, but actually, I tend to find Autumn the most invigorating time of the year. Summer this year has been very hot and very, very busy. I've found the heat making me lethargic.
Now they're baling up the hay, the blackberries are ripening, the nights are drawing in and I'm starting to need a cardigan or trench coat. I'm starting to feel a bit of a spring in my step!
I think it's well known that autumn is the most exciting season for fashion, but other treats of the season include moving back to red wine and being able to snuggle up at home in slippers and a comfy hoodie.
Tonight I made a crumble of blackberries picked from wild bushes and proper English Bramley cooking apples. My lovely husband popped out and got Madagascar vanilla cream from ASDA (a supermarket). Yummo!
Can you tell I've fallen off the diet wagon? I did go for a walk at lunchtime, so that's something.
Anyway, what's your favourite treat of the Autumn season? Later on I'll be enthusing about ankle boots and wool coats but right now, picking blackberries is enough for me.
I'm related to a mechanic* and he often rolled his eyes at how badly I treated my car. No oil, no services, not checking the tyres... I even ran out of petrol once or twice. I've gotten slightly better with age and more money. I do get regular services and get nagging issues checked out but I'm still not brilliant at keeping up with the basics.
Still, I was thinking the other day that I'm probably even worse at looking after my body than I am at looking after my car.
I have a theory that people tend to focus on one or two aspects of their lives to the exclusion of the others.
There are lots of different ways you can slice and dice the concept of wellbeing but the main division I see is between body and mind. I know lots of people (myself included) who are prone to treat their bodies worse than they treat their cars - not giving them proper fuel, regular maintance, grinding their gears (okay, the metaphor is getting laboured here...).
Still, why do we do this? Why do we focus on our careers and sedentary things using our minds while our bodies seize up and rust away (metaphorically speaking...).
I've put on about eight pounds (or four kilos) in the last year. It's gradually crept up with more indulgence in 'treats', more takeaways or pre-prepared food and less movement. I bit the bullet (another metaphor... I'll stop commenting on this now) last week did an assessment at the gym. Owch! The results were not good.
So, the worm has turned and so far I've had a good week on My Fitness Pal with diet and exercise. I need to keep doing this for a couple of months at least to get back to where I was a year ago. Then see how I go from there.
I need to remember that I am a whole person: body, mind and spirit. I need to make sure I take time and energy to look after all three. I'm committed to making a change - let's see if I can actually learn this lesson this time!
What about you - how are you doing with your car and/ or your body?
I was brushing on my eyebrows the other day when a couple of memories assailed me. I thought I'd share...
The first memory comes from when I was 12. It was the final year at my small rural primary school. I was enjoying being a big fish before I would be dropped in the big pond of the tough local high school.
Mum had bought tickets to the outdoor summer Shakespeare at the University. She wondered if I'd look too grown-up in an outfit of a stone-wash jeans and a white shirt under a hot pink sweatshirt with my grandmother's diamante brooch at the neck. She even allowed me a touch of matching pink lipstick.
That was one of those moments of transition - from girl to woman. It was also a typical moment of caring and generosity from my mum as she trusted me with the precious old brooch. We enjoyed a night out together doing something that many 12 year olds wouldn't get to do or wouldn't enjoy. I would later study Shakespeare at that University.
The second half of the memory trail leads me to much later, when mum was quite sick with cancer. It was her birthday and we'd organised a big do with all her friends coming, gold and white balloons and a cake with apricot roses on it. For weeks previously she had been unable to stand or walk for long so we weren't sure how she'd cope with the demands of the event.
She got dressed for the party, her white shirt and orange cotton cardigan hanging loose on her. I did her makeup, colouring her in with the colours of health and youth. I brushed on eyebrows and we chose an orange-red lipstick to tone in with her cardigan.
She managed to stay up for the whole party, chatting busily to all her guests, cutting the cake, enjoying the toasts. I told her how proud I was of her and a few people wiped away a tear. The photo of her happily holding up a cup of tea in a toast was the final photo in the montage at her funeral a couple of months later.
I don't know what this goes to show, other than that fact that three years later I still miss her a lot and think of her often. Little things trigger memories, bitter-sweet.
Sorry for the long radio silence - I've had a nasty cold/ cough thing that's taken about ten days to shift. So, what's the news?
Twitter gets me food!
While I was sick, I was on Twitter a fair bit. I saw a local independent cafe (BearPit Social) tweeting about their juices and joked about them delivering as I was sick in bed. A bit of banter later and they actually send someone over on a bike with a delicious green juice and a vegan salad. I didn't have enough cash for both but they bought them anyway and said I could pay them back. Awesome customer service!
The Bear Pit is a massively ill-conceived underpass area surrounded by traffic. It has been the type of place colonised by homeless people where you wouldn't walk after dark, but efforts are being made to bring it back to life. Good on the Bearpit Social Cafe - I wish them well!
New Author - Brandon Sanderson
Also while I was sick, I finished the first book in Brandon Sanderson's Mistborn trilogy 'The Final Empire'. I'm now about 3/4 of the way through the second book called 'The Well of Acension'.The Mistborn trilogy is in the high fantasy genre where quite a few novels are derivative drivel but these ones are pretty good.
They have a nice original premise, they're well written with some interesting (if not quite fully rounded) characters. I think Patrick Rothfuss and Lois McMaster Bujold are much better than Brandon Sanderson. George RR Martin comes second, but Sanderson comes in a respectable third along with authors like Robin Hobb.
Comedy gold
The Bristol Comedy Garden came around again and we had tickets to see Ardal O'Hanlon, Nina Conti and Stewart Francis with MC Craig Campbell. Ardal is best known for his role as Dougal in the brilliant BBC comedy show 'Father Ted' (if you haven't seen it, get hold of a box set and prepare for hours of fun!). His stand up is pretty similar to the endearing, bumbling character he played. Flawlessly confident and skilled, great timing and charm for days. Lovely stuff.
Craig Campbell was also a highlight - he's a Candian living in Devon. Very high energy, a bit crude and shouty but obviously good humoured. He was really funny and his rant about how we should value the NHS had the whole tent of several hundred people howling their approval.
Easy food for parties
We had a really fun blind wine tasting do at a friend's house last night. We tried six carefully chosen wines and guessed at the variety, country, vintage etc. I'm proud that I got three of the varieties right.
Anyway, I got back from work about six and was due there at seven, so what to take for food? My easy-peasy canapes, that's what.
1. Slice a baguette (or French bread) into rounds. Lay on a baking tray and put in the oven for a few minutes. Watch them closely so they get toasted and just golden brown but not too dry.
2. Slather a generous helping of something gooey on them i.e. cream cheese, hummus, chutney, pesto etc.
3. Heap a generous helping of something toothsome on top i.e. salmon on the cream cheese, roasted pepper on the hummus, rare roast beef on the chutney, brie on the pesto.
3. Season and garnish - a little sprinkle of something on top makes all the difference - chives, parsley, a tiny lemon wedge, cracked pepper.
4. Devour! (preferably with little plates or at least nakins as they can be a bit crumby)
These are fine to prepare while early guests are arriving as you can easily give them something to do. I took the toasted bread and the rest of the ingredients with me and assembled at the venue because it was easier than trying to transport the finished product.
So, that's my news. Did you miss me? What have you been up to?
Yesterday while discussing weekend plans, a work colleague admitted that she had a cleaner. I was instantly intrigued. A cleaner, you say, tell me more! Two hours once a fortnight for a reasonable rate - this is fascinating. We can afford it and it would be such a luxury not to be staring at our filthy floor trying to muster the will to vacuum.
BUT. Should two able-bodied folk pay someone else to clean their small flat? Surely we should be able to handle cleaning a few square feet of space without having to hire staff! This brings up all my vague 'bleeding heart liberal' tendencies and also my Scrooge-like thrifty tendencies. I feel a bit uncomfortable about it all.
BUT we both hate cleaning while liking things to be clean. And I'm sure the cleaner would be quite happy to have another couple of hours work a fortnight. We'd make sure we paid a fair wage so we're not exploiting them.
I don't know - what do you think? Is it immoral to hire someone to do something you're perfectly capable of doing yourself?
She was a princess among cats. In fact, when he got her, my besotted husband (actually he was my boyfriend at that stage) named her Princess Mao. Her middle name 'Bitey' came a bit later and for obvious reasons.
When she arrived home from the pet shop, she was grey with flea dirt. She'd just been brought into the shop from a neglectful home. She looked about 8+ weeks old but was actually about 12+ weeks. My mother-in-law donned rubber gloves and washed the poor little scamp in the sink. The gloves were no match for Princess's needle-sharp claws.
Husband bought Princess at cat bed but from the beginning she slept on our bed. I used to wake up terrified that we'd smothered her by accident. I'd put my hand on her belly to feel if she was breathing and try to wake her up. It's quite hard to wake a cat from a deep sleep.
When she got a bit older, she'd take a few weeks sleeping on one of us then swap to sleep on the other one. When I lay on my side, she sleep on the curve between my hips and my ribs. Rolling over was a major operation, but I didn't mind because I loved her company. She was also constantly on my lap as I sat on the couch at night. I generally had a lap rug on me to protect me from kneading paws. If I needed to get up, I could just lift up the rug,
cat and all, then put it back down on the couch.
She was a clever cat - she taught herself to play fetch with shoelaces or toy mice. We'd spend ages throwing these things and her pouncing on them then trotting back with them in her little cat yap.
Princess wasn't much of a hunter, though. In our first flat together, we would occasionally get rats. One time she brought in a lightly wounded rat and let it go to run around the lounge. She totally ignored it while husband and I attempted to catch or kill that darn rat. We had a similar situation with a mouse in another flat - it was obviously not a well mouse because it was really slow but she didn't bother to catch it, she just watched as husband and I flailed around with the broom. Maybe this was her idea of fun!
Leaving her with my mother-in-law after twelve years together was the hardest thing about emigrating. She was our cat baby. Skyping a blur of beige fur just wasn't the same, though it was good to know that she was well looked after. Recently her health issues became too much and she had to be put down. Rest in Peace, Princess 'Bitey' Mao.
So I'm pretty stressed right now. I've got big work projects due in a few weeks - my reputation is on the line and there are a lot of variables to juggle. And I've got a couple of other big life issues I'm dealing with at the same time. I'm holding it together, but I struggled to sleep until late last night then I was awake and switched on like a light bulb (ping! awake now!) at 6:43 this morning.
(Actually I had a really useful thought about work that I had to email to myself, but still...)
So how do we deal with this stress thing?
In my younger years I had some pretty colourful ways of dealing with stress - mostly getting sick and crashing cars. One year I did my Uni exams in a neck brace because I'd developed torticollis (the muscles in my shoulder and neck went into a serious spasm so I couldn't straighten my neck).
Just before my wedding (and exams and moving house), someone thought they could move their car into the lane that my car was in (nope, they couldn't!). Thankfully that one was judged to be their fault so insurance paid. I also got bronchitis two weeks before my wedding so I got married the first day I'd been out of my sick bed. AND I had a massive pimple! People seemed to think I looked good anyway...
These days I don't crash cars (God willing) and I seem to have managed to teach myself that getting sick doesn't help. But what can I do to cope with the strain? About the only thing I can find to do is comfort-eating. When things get tough, ice cream and donuts help a bit.
If I'm feeling sensible and/or virtuous I force myself to go to the gym. Classes like Pilates really help me remember I have a body and work on relaxing it a bit. A blat on the cardio machines to some pumping music also helps let off some steam. It's just tricky to actually get myself organised and in the door of the place.
Going to church helps to put things in perspective and to keep me focused on not being a bitch even though I'm stressed.
Um, what else? I try not to drink too much wine as it messes with my sleeping patterns and just generally makes me feel worse. Hmm... that's about all I got.
I love Bristol with a big love. I've been living here for around two years and it still makes me smile on a regular basis. The Bristol Culture site regularly has articles of semi-famous Bristol folks talking about their favourite bits - here are mine, in no particular order (plus a pretty picture of the harbour that I took one evening).
The Windmill Pub
I think these guys do the best roast in Bristol. Every bit of the meal is carefully prepared from the fresh crisp yorkies to the creamy leeks, spicy red cabbage and tender meat. Amazing. They have a laid back but comfy atmosphere in the pub and all the papers to read on a Sunday.
St Nicholas Market
Particularly the Moroccan stall and the Middle Eastern food stalldown the end opposite the fabric stall. The Moroccan place does the most tender meat, beautifully spiced and melting in your mouth with delicious sauce and tasty rice or cous cous. The Middle Eastern place does fantastic meals with every part of the dish carefully spiced and prepared. Their freshly cooked flat-bread is an essential compliment to the meal. There is also a wide choice of other foods from Pieminster pies to local sausages, Jamaican, Indian, BBQ, Felafel wraps and more plus several pubs (including the excellent Rummer Hotel tucked away off All Saints Lane).
St Nicholas Market and Corn Street are historic (established in 1743) and picturesque with craft
stalls inside.
Along Corn Street are four brass 'nails' with the earliest from around 1560 and the Registry Office where you often see weddings taking place on a Saturday. We end up visiting here most weekends, especially as it's on the way to the shopping centre.
Bristol is full of lovely parks and green spaces. Our local one is the gorgeous Ashton Court; a 16th Century house and deer park with 19th Century gardens and acres of rolling fields and woods. The property was gifted to Bristol and is a great asset to the city (but don't bother with the cafe, it's complete rubbish). There is a weekly farmer's market, a small golf course, horse riding, a mountain bike track and of course the massive annual hot air ballon festival (more about that later).
The Ferries
Even though it's quite a way from the coast, Bristol's heart is its harbour. The small locked harbour and rivers are criss-crossed with ferries.For 80p you can cross from the SS Great Britain to the other side of the harbour (I recommend checking out the Grain Barge for a drink and a meal while you're there) or for a few pounds you can toddle gently up and down the harbour taking in the sights, admiring the passing swans and possibly getting somewhere useful like the railway station or near the shopping centre.
Festivals
Bristol has masses of different festivals (many of them free) throughout the year. Mayfest is probably my favourite - a condensed 10 days of theatre, dance, music and more with all sorts of top quality bizarre bits and pieces including award-winning shows from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Last year we loved a 1940s cabaret/ musical version of Beowulf by a hugely talented cast from America.
Police horses
There are police horses stationed fairly close to our house and they can often be seen in pairs around the city centre. They are huge and brave and beautiful and I love them. They're worth a follow on Twitter for the cute photos. If you're in Bristol and happen to see them going by you can generally pat them if you ask first.
I've got lots more things to say about this fabulous city, but that'll do for now.
This is a somewhat philosophical
question inspired by the British weather. As we’ve moved into spring, the
weather has suddenly changed, going from cold, grey drizzle to warm sunshine.
The plants are taking the opportunity to burst out in leaves, buds and flowers
and today I feel the same way. As I unfold myself and bask in the sunshine, I wonder
if the months of dark, cold and rain are worth it for the euphoria that this
first burst of sunshine brings?
On the balance, I’d say yes.
Now, let's widen that question out. There’s a concept developed by Pavlov called negative reinforcement. This means that people
are more likely to do something that results in the pleasure they feel when
something unpleasant stops happening, for example muting noisy TV ads.
Does this mean we should expose
ourselves to unpleasant things for the relief when they stop? Generally not,
though getting back to the weather, it can be nice to go out for a stomp around
the countryside in cold rainy weather then come back inside to get warm and
dry. But we can certainly work on keeping that heightened sense of joy and relief.
I find after a 'flu, on that first day when
I’m actually feeling better I am bursting with joy and optimism
because it’s so nice not being sick any more. I have generally been feeling
perky and bubbly for the last couple of years because my previous couple of
years were pretty hideous. I guess difficult times can
have the positive side effect of resetting our expectations and encouraging
gratitude.
So, what do you think – is the pain worth
the gain? Or would you prefer a more even keel with fewer highs and lows?
