How to do work good (and pretty pics)

So I'm back home now, after a whole week away in a couple of different places for work. It's been a huge week, but a helpful one. I thought I'd mull over what I've learned in case it's helpful for you in your work or personal life.

(Also, I'm popping in pics of Alex Skarsgard 'cos he's lush. Far more interesting than stock photos of people in suits shaking hands.)

1. There really isn't anything to beat face to face meetings. 

Alex agrees with me on this point.

We did a big conference for one part of our organisation. Again and again people were saying how great it was to 'put a face to a name' and how they felt comfortable referring clients to each now that they had met the person they would be referring to.

We try very hard to be connected using things like email, online messaging, teleconferencing or video conferencing, but this week reaffirmed the vital importance of meeting in person.

An even more important aspect is time to have a coffee, chat over a drink, have a meal together. The best ideas and conversations happen when something is going into our mouths!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. There's a lot of value in personality tests - but not what you'd think.

 

Alex is more a do-er than a thinker

Another part of my week was a big team meeting which involved some input from a personality test company. Now, you may know that the concept of personality 'types' has been largely dismissed by psychology as it is not supported by research. Putting people into one of a few personality 'types' isn't much more valid than describing people using their star sign. Many psychologists even take issue with the idea of personality traits (though the majority agree on the 'Big Five' model).

This hasn't stopped enterprising people setting up businesses selling bespoke personality tests to businesses. The output of these tests can easily be harmful if used incorrectly, for example as the main factor in recruiting staff.

HOWEVER given all those disclaimers, I think it is really useful to put aside time to have open discussions about what we're really like as people and how we like to be treated.

We are a very new team so it was helpful to have time together to start to get to know each other and to reflect on ourselves. I have already spent a considerable amount of time working on my self-awareness but I did actually gain some more insights through this experience. 

 

 

3. Being powerful isn't bad.

Eric Northman and I are both strong characters

I've known since my teens that I'm naturally a very full-on, direct person. And that almost everyone else finds that overpowering and unpleasant, especially in a woman. I've been working all the time to soften myself down, to be more gentle, slower, more collaborative, give others time to speak etc. The message from a lot of quarters has been 'Who you are is wrong'. 

Still, we did a series of challenges as part of a team building exercise. Our team won. A biggish part of that was me quickly coming up with ideas, nudging others into action and keeping on task. I think I managed to do this while giving others a chance to contribute and without being domineering. So, maybe being a strong natural leader has its uses.

So, did you enjoy the Alex pics? Any other thoughts?

Age cannot wither her?

A couple of comments on my last post got me thinking... First of the wonderful Duchesse  (go and see her blog, it's a delight) commented that,

"You may not be as pretty as in your 20s but I'll bet you are a more fascinating woman!" 

And a friend commented on Facebook: 

" I would agree that everyone gets more interesting as they age, as long as they take pains to keep their habits and activities fresh and out of a rut. I'd say you are accomplishing this nicely!"

Excellent words of wisdom! I'll be mulling over this 'facinating woman' idea for some time to come, I think. Trying it on, tweaking it about, seeing if it fits and how I can style it. 

I just tried searching the phrase 'facinating woman' and came up with a lot of traditional American homemaker stuff. Ick. Not my idea of fascinating. I'm more in tune with my friend's comment about becoming more interesting as we age by making sure we keep learning and growing. 

The Shakespeare quote alluded to in the title is "Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite variety". My overriding philosophy since moving to England has been 'Try something new'. I wouldn't claim (or want) infinite variety but I have loved stepping out of the old ruts of who I think I am and what I think I do. My younger self wouldn't recognise me in some aspects these days. 

I do recommend a seismic change every so often. I transformed myself around age 15 when I found a group of friends who hadn't known me since I was a baby. Being a new context allowed me to work out who I really was, instead of being stuck with the old expectations and patterns. Now with this move I've been freer to do that again. 

So what? Well, I guess I'll keep working on this fascinating thing and see where that takes me. What do you think - do people get more interesting as they age?

Obvious symbolism with the snake!

How to spend two weeks in New Zealand

I've just been asked for advice by a friend who's taking three weeks in the South Island of New Zealand. I explained that actually, I've only ever been there twice so I'm really not an expert, but there are lovely things in the North Island to see...

It's not the first time I've been asked for tips by people taking a trip to New Zealand, so I thought I'd share my suggestions.

1) If coming from Europe, spend a night or two in Singapore as a stopover. I've raved about Singapore before in this post, so I won't go on here.

2) You will probably fly in and out of Auckland so here are some ideas about what to do with a few days in Auckland (Hint - hire a car and avoid the central city 'cos it's crap).

Kerikeri

3) Depending on how long you've got, you can drive up north to Kerikeri and the Bay of Islands via some of the most stunning beaches in the world in Northland. You can even go all the way up to the top at Cape Reinga and see the Tasman Sea and the Pacific Ocean meeting up in a visible wave.

I miss hot pools!

4) Then drive down to Rotorua and Taupo for huge lakes, trout fishing, adventure tourism, Maori culture shows, seeing kiwi and possibly patting baby lions in the animal parks and most importantly, thermal hot pools! There is a hot pool you can sit in and look out over Lake Rotorua - gorgeous, especially when the weather's a bit cooler.

5) If you want, depending on the season, you could check out the three mountains near the middle of the North Island and take in a bit of skiing. There's also some lovely walks/ treks to do in summer.

Contrary to popular belief, NZ isn't all hobbits and wild places!

6) Next, drive down to Wellington and stay somewhere central. Soak up the atmosphere, the cafes, the art scene, the harbour. Go to the Zealandia bird sanctuary.

7) Take the car ferry over the Cook Strait and spend a bit of time touring wineries in Nelson and Marlborough. Take a boat trip through the fjords (and take a waterproof coat!).

8) Fly down to Queenstown for incredible scenery, skiing in winter, adventure tourism etc. (I've never been, but I hear it's excellent). Then fly back to Auckland and back home or...

9) If you've got the time and money, consider a side trip to Australia while you're in the area. Or a Pacific Island (I like Samoa). Or a stopover somewhere interesting on the way back (Hong Kong is cool).

How to get ahead at work - part two

I'm feeling quite chuffed with myself. We've recently re-branded and I had a bunch of things to do with that - I got them all done on time*. We've got a big promotion going at a conference next week and I've got all the stuff ready and sorted now - the week before it's needed. I am crossing my fingers and praying that nothing goes wrong at the last minute, but so far it looks like it's all on track**.

So, with a startling lack of humility, I'm going to share my second lot of thoughts on how to get stuff done at work. (My first lot of thoughts are here.) My context is a medium-large organisation. If you're in a small organisation you've got some different challenges.

1. Plan small
I did a short project management course and one of the things that I took away from that (other than the fact that I really don't want to be a project manager) is how easy it is to underestimate the time things take. For example - it may take four hours of actual work for someone to design a leaflet. However, as the project manager, you need to allow about ten days so that a) they can get around to it with all the other work they've got on b) you can make changes to their original design and c) you can get feedback from other people on the design.

So, plan how much you'd like to achieve in the time, then cut your ambitions down by about two thirds. If you get more done, great! If not, you've still done what you said you would within the time frame.

2. Sign-off versus feedback
I've fallen into the sign-off trap many times so now I try really hard to get clear from the start who is actually signing off this piece of work. Then you can make sure they're on board along the way so that you don't get to the end and find out they have totally different which mean you need to radically alter your work.

3. Ask the end users (and staff on the ground)
This is part of the sign-off versus feedback thing and it doesn't really relate to getting things done, but more to making good things. You really want as few people as possible signing off your work, but plenty of people giving feedback. The most useful feedback I get is from front-line staff. I've had a few real 'a-ha' moments with insights that should have been obvious but weren't obvious to me in my blinkered context. 

4. Check, double check and triple check
I was getting things delivered somewhere. I asked the company when it would be delivered and asked them to let me know when it had arrived. I phoned and emailed the place where it was being delivered to let them know it was coming. Once I got the email saying it had arrived, I phoned the place and checked that it was being stored somewhere I could get to. So, I'm confident that this particular thing is ready to go for the conference. Overkill? It's much better than finding out at the last minute that something vital hasn't arrived.

Also, check and double check everyone else is totally aware of what they need to do and that it has been done.

5. Find efficient ways of tracking your tasks
Totally up to you how you handle this but do find what works for you and make time to use it.

For all the stuff I had to rebrand, I broke down each step in the process (there are about eight) and tracked each item through each step in the process, updating my chart every week. This way I could make sure that things were kept moving through to completion instead of being stuck on one step. 

 So - these are just a few things I've learnt so far but I'm sure I've got a lot more to learn. Any tips?

* Well, one bit didn't get done when I planned but it was okay.
** I feel like I'm jinxing myself writing this!

What might surprise you about yoga - updated

Oh my goodness, I love yoga! Sorry to give the game away so early in the blog post, but really, I do! So I want to share the joy and bust a few myths (Scroll to the end for my caveat).

•  You don't need to be flexible or fit or young or skinny. A good teacher will encourage everyone to work to their own level and will give different options for the poses. You can even do yoga with longstanding injuries or disabilities.
•  Yoga is a real workout - with regular practice you gain balance, flexibility and strengthen muscles through you whole body.
• Yoga doesn't usually involve spiritual or religious practice (again, it depends on the version you do, but the types I've done don't involve anything more alarming than a few easily ignorable references to chakras.)

I did my first yoga class for over two years last night. I was really tense and stressed - I woke up with a headache due to the tension in my neck and jaw. I toddled along to my gym and met the tiny perky young blonde woman who took the class. We sat and breathed for a bit, we went through various poses and stretches - mostly downward facing dog, lots and lots of downward facing dog.

http://www.active.com/health/articles/pose-of-the-month-downward-facing-dog

 Supposedly some of the benefits of this particular pose are that it:

• Calms the brain and helps relieve stress and mild depression
• Energizes the body
• Stretches the shoulders, hamstrings, calves, arches, and hands
• Strengthens the arms and legs
• Improves digestion
• Relieves headache, insomnia, back pain, and fatigue

Downward facing dog and the rest of the poses certainly did a wonderful job of relaxing the tension in my neck, jaw, shoulders and hamstrings. To end the class we did a brief relaxation exercise lying flat on our backs on the floor - bliss! Then I floated out, feeling a million times better than when I entered the room.

So basically, I'm enthusiastically recommending that you give it go (if you haven't already). I did Hatha yoga for a couple of years in New Zealand. My class yesterday was Ashtanga yoga which is supposed to be a lot more physically demanding, but actually it was very similar to my Hatha yoga class, just a touch faster in moving from pose to pose. This is a helpful article about the different styles of yoga.

What do you think - are you already a fan? Have you tried it and thought it's not for you?

Update:
I did my first (and last) class with a new yoga teacher last night and now I see why people can be apprehensive about it. It was Ashtanga yoga similar to the first class I did at this gym but the atmosphere was competitive with only one option given for each pose. The (male) instructor adjusted people to help them get into the right position. That's okay but one of my adjustments involved full body contact which isn't my cup of tea with someone I've just met!

We were asked to do quite difficult balancing poses and ended the class with a couple of inversions that were completely beyond me. I sat there feeling like a fool while people attempted to balance their whole body weight on the arms while upside down. Not a great experience.

So my summary is, find out as much as you can about classes you're thinking of taking, the teaching style, the difficulty level etc. I've experienced four or five yoga teachers and this is the first one that I couldn't be doing with, so I'm sure you'll be able to find one who suits.

Save money - colour your hair at home!

Do you get your hair coloured at a salon? Well stop it! (Oh feel free to carry on if you like, but keep reading anyway...)


I'm here to suggest that you could easily save buckets of money by doing your own hair at home. If you've never tried it (or haven't tried it for years) it's much easier than you think!

Firstly, choosing the colour.

The safest thing is to chose something similar to your natural hair colour. If in doubt, go cool, not warm. When I see people with unfortunate hair colour, it's mostly because they're gone with a bright warm colour like burgundy or ginger when they should have chosen a cool colour that looked a bit more natural on them.

I swear by John Freida myself. I've tried a few different colours from their range and they've all been excellent. I'm on 'Deep Brown-Black' at the moment but I have dabbled in some of their very flattering and subtle reddish or purple-ish shades like the 'Radiant Red' shown in the picture.

Secondly, preparations. I make sure I'm wearing something that I don't have to pull off over my head and that I don't mind getting stained. (I generally don't drip dye on my clothes, but just in case). I also remove all the towels from the bathroom and get out an old black towel.

Mixing up the hair colour is easy - then I just slap it onto dry hair. I don't find it makes a difference how clean my hair is or if it's full of mousse and hair spray. I tend to only manage to use about half the hair colour as I've got fairly short hair. Rub it in well so that all the strands of hair are covered. Wipe any drips or smears off with a bit of loo paper (and soap if needed).

I also don't worry too much about the timings. I leave it on for about 20-30 min. If you're feeling nervous about stains, just sit in the bathroom and read a book. I've found that hair colour tends not to stain things like the bath or sink or glass surfaces but will stain painted or porous surfaces.

When it comes to washing it off, I've got a shower-over-bath arrangement with the shower head on a hose. I get right down into the bath to wash the first bit off to avoid splashing all over the bathroom. Then I shower as normal and use the excellent conditioner provided in the pack.

Finally, after a gentle drying my hair is done!

So, are you convinced to give it a go? Or do you have complicated highlights and lowlights or are you au naturel?

Saturday 6:43am or Crashing Cars and Getting Sick

So I'm pretty stressed right now. I've got big work projects due in a few weeks - my reputation is on the line and there are a lot of variables to juggle. And I've got a couple of other big life issues I'm dealing with at the same time. I'm holding it together, but I struggled to sleep until late last night then I was awake and switched on like a light bulb (ping! awake now!) at 6:43 this morning.

(Actually I had a really useful thought about work that I had to email to myself, but still...)

So how do we deal with this stress thing?

In my younger years I had some pretty colourful ways of dealing with stress - mostly getting sick and crashing cars. One year I did my Uni exams in a neck brace because I'd developed torticollis (the muscles in my shoulder and neck went into a serious spasm so I couldn't straighten my neck).

Just before my wedding (and exams and moving house), someone thought they could move their car into the lane that my car was in (nope, they couldn't!). Thankfully that one was judged to be their fault so insurance paid. I also got bronchitis two weeks before my wedding so I got married the first day I'd been out of my sick bed. AND I had a massive pimple! People seemed to think I looked good anyway...

These days I don't crash cars (God willing) and I seem to have managed to teach myself that getting sick doesn't help. But what can I do to cope with the strain? About the only thing I can find to do is comfort-eating. When things get tough, ice cream and donuts help a bit.

If I'm feeling sensible and/or virtuous I force myself to go to the gym. Classes like Pilates really help me remember I have a body and work on relaxing it a bit. A blat on the cardio machines to some pumping music also helps let off some steam. It's just tricky to actually get myself organised and in the door of the place.

Going to church helps to put things in perspective and to keep me focused on not being a bitch even though I'm stressed.

Um, what else? I try not to drink too much wine as it messes with my sleeping patterns and just generally makes me feel worse. Hmm... that's about all I got.

Ideas, anyone?

Style AND comfort?

Oh dear, I'm turning into my mother! In my younger years I swore I'd stay in my high heels and generally not forsake style for comfort. But I'm afraid the tide is turning.

Patti of the excellent blog Not Dead Yet Style recently posted about comfortable clothing and I found myself identifying with many of her points. Her post made me think about why some of my clothing, shoes and accessories just don't work. Comfort is a key factor.

Below are is a picture with approximations of things I've bought but am either sending to the charity shop or just not wearing because they're not comfortable enough.

Big, heavy jewellery just doesn't get worn, no matter how pretty it is. Just today I removed a couple of strands of a multi-strand cut glass bead necklace. It looked stunning with the whole set of five glittering strands but it was just too heavy so I didn't wear it. Better to have three strands and a wearable weight. 

Uncomfortable things/ failed purchases by eleanorbirdy 

The platform booties are there because they really weren't comfortable enough for miles of walking during a weekend, the fur trim made them too seasonally specific and they were too casual for even relaxed work days. A good idea but just didn't work for my lifestyle. I do still wear heels (even stilettos) but not above about 3 inches and only for office work. Also, I'm really fond of the less-frumpy shoes from comfy brands like Clarks and Footglove from M & S.

The dress was also a good idea (in fact I have several similar ones) but somehow the hemlines seem to magically shrink. This is a psychological comfort issue. I am not comfortable with my thighs on display. 

I really don't know what it is with the hems on dresses but I often have this issue. Do I pull them down when I'm trying them on in the shop? Or not walk around enough to check if they ride up? Do they shrink in the wash? Is it me getting fatter or just less confident? Anyway, I now have several floral print jersey dresses that I'm not wearing. I'm keeping them in the hope that something might change. What, I don't know... I just can't bring myself to send them to the charity shop yet.

One last thing that always turns out to be a shopping fail are tops that need ironing. They're not uncomfortable of course, I just don't iron so they hang around unworn for months on end. A shocking waste. I must train myself not to buy tops that need ironing. (Or start ironing, you say? Pshaw, get away with you!). 

Where do you stand on the comfort versus prettiness spectrum? Do have shopping traps that you regularly fall into?

How to sing like a (talented) pop star

I've been in an intense phase of listening to music lately and I've been noticing again some points where singers sell themselves short. I thought I'd share some tips in case you're an aspiring singer or you just want to kick ass on karaoke night...

1. Take singing seriously
This is my number one bugbear; people saying, "Oh, you're so lucky you can sing!" as if years of singing lessons and practice have nothing to do with it. Yes, people have a greater or lesser amount of natural talent, but there is a LOT of craft to learn with singing too. Take time to learn the craft from an expert teacher. Practice.

If you can't do a really good job of singing and playing an instrument at the same time then pick one to focus on. I think it's not good enough for a lead singer to be a great guitar player and a slap-dash vocalist. (Of course there are many highly successful examples of exactly that, but it irritates me a little).

Elton John is a brilliant example of someone who can sing beautifully while playing an instrument.

 2. Hit the notes
Learn the songs until you are 100% of where every note is and what it takes to get there. Don't scoop up to (or just under) high notes. Don't meander vaguely around the notes thinking you're being all R n B. Pick (or write) songs in a comfortable range so you're not straining to hit notes that are either too high or too low.

As documented, I love Franz Ferdinand with big love, but Alex gives a great (or not so great) example of scooping up to just under the note around 3:49 when they go into "I feel love" in this clip.

 3. Give notes their full value
 You don't need to sing long notes all the time, but stop somewhere logical i.e. at the end of a bar. Don't just trail off vaguely 'cos you can be bothered or you're running out of breath.

4. Think about when to breathe
Generally, don't breathe in the middle of a phrase. PLEASE don't breath in the middle of a word! A breath is like a pause in the flow of ideas; it can highlight something or switch up the rhythm. Practice and good technique can give you enough breath to deliver thoughtful musical phrases as you sing. Adele has interesting phrasing and impressive breath control in this song, especially in the chorus around 1:26 when she carries on over first line into the second line to keep the energy going.

5. Put attitude into it (but be genuine)
To entertain people you need to demonstrate emotion in your voice, whether that's heartbreak or a cocky confidence. You can use all sorts of stylistic tricks to keep things interesting and express your musical ideas, but don't overdo it. Sometimes simplicity is best.

Also, I think it's nice when pop singers use their actual accents instead of merging into some form of faux-American accent. Missy Higgins makes her strong Australian accent charming (quite a thing for a Kiwi to admit!) and I love Paolo Nutini singing in a Scottish accent.

 6. Communicate the words
If you've gone to the trouble to write lyrics (or choose a song with lyrics you like) then make sure the words are clear. Put tiny spaces between each word. Spit out your consonants (more than you think you need to) and be clear about differences for example between 'd' and 't'. Try saying 'The tip of the tongue, the teeth and the lips' with exaggerated mouth movements to limber up.
  
What next?
So if all this has inspired you, something you could think about is joining a local all-comers choir. If you're a beginner, look for one with no audition and no requirement to read music. There are plenty of choirs like Bristol's Riff Raff Choir who sing a range of stuff including pop and rock.

Pain and gain

 Is the pain worth the gain? 

This is a somewhat philosophical question inspired by the British weather. As we’ve moved into spring, the weather has suddenly changed, going from cold, grey drizzle to warm sunshine. The plants are taking the opportunity to burst out in leaves, buds and flowers and today I feel the same way. As I unfold myself and bask in the sunshine, I wonder if the months of dark, cold and rain are worth it for the euphoria that this first burst of sunshine brings?

On the balance, I’d say yes.

Now, let's widen that question out. There’s a concept developed by Pavlov called negative reinforcement. This means that people are more likely to do something that results in the pleasure they feel when something unpleasant stops happening, for example muting noisy TV ads.

Does this mean we should expose ourselves to unpleasant things for the relief when they stop? Generally not, though getting back to the weather, it can be nice to go out for a stomp around the countryside in cold rainy weather then come back inside to get warm and dry. But we can certainly work on keeping that heightened sense of joy and relief.

I find after a 'flu, on that first day when I’m actually feeling better I am  bursting with joy and optimism because it’s so nice not being sick any more. I have generally been feeling perky and bubbly for the last couple of years because my previous couple of years were pretty hideous. I guess difficult times can have the positive side effect of resetting our expectations and encouraging gratitude.

So, what do you think – is the pain worth the gain? Or would you prefer a more even keel with fewer highs and lows?

How to put on a show - updated

Recently I saw Franz Ferdinand in the O2 Academy in Bristol - it was a lesson in how to put on a show. In the last  year or so I've seen Suede, Keane and Depeche Mode (twice) live, but Franz Ferdinand had them all beat hollow for sheer showmanship. So what do you have to do to put on a great show?

1. Look like you're enjoying yourself
Alex Kapranos (lead singer and guitarist) grinned through quite a lot of the gig. In his banter, he picked out some keen audience members and even dedicated a song to a guy who was dancing wildly. The bassist scarcely moved or cracked a smile, but even so the band really seemed to be loving being on stage together and getting to play their music. They put masses of energy into the show in spite of it being a reasonably small venue in a reasonably small city. They didn't look jaded like bands can do when they've been touring too much.

2. Communicate (intelligibly) with the audience
The support act to Franz Ferdinand had a lead singer who mumbled a few awkward comments (including not saying their band name clearly - which is really important to do if you're an unknown band!). Alex was clear and confident, saying just enough to build rapport while keeping the energy of the music going.

3. Re-mix and jam your music
Suede and Keane both played brilliantly live, but every song was exactly the same as their records; same tempo, same structure, not even an extra repeated chorus. Franz Ferdinand and Depeche Mode both mixed up their music to give us something live that we couldn't have just listening to a record at home. The highlight of Franz Ferdinand was a long drum solo with all four band members to end a storming rendition of Outsiders.

4. Think about the visuals
Franz Ferdinand are well known for dressing up. For their Bristol gig they worn matching custom-made black, white and grey outfits. They looked amazing jumping about in front of the mainly monochrome images projected onto the set and screen behind them.


5. Turn an interested bystander into super-fan
Before this gig I was kind of fond of Franz Ferdinand. I had one of their old albums and had listened to their new album a few times but wasn't in love with it.

Somehow, seeing the band perform a whole range of their songs has turned me from feeling vaguely interested into someone who's been playing their music daily and raving about how cool it is. Magic.

In case you're interested, here is the set list with links to most of the videos.

Update: so this happened...

The best things to do in Singapore

We recently spent three nights in Singapore on the way back from New Zealand and gosh it was nice! I've been to Singapore several times before for shorter stopovers but this time we were able to rest and relax and re-set ourselves to the new timezone.

I love Singapore 'cos it's warm, there's great cheap food and great shopping (ranging from cheap to eye-wateringly expensive), it's easy to get around, feels safe and everyone speaks English. 

I really enjoyed our hotel's swimming pool, but what else would I recommend if you're visiting Singapore?

 Singapore Zoo and/or the Night Safari
I've been to the Singapore Zoo on a previous trip and thought it was one of the best zoos I've visited. There are masses of lovely animals. Two highlights were the Malayan Tapirs (this was the start of my love for tapirs) and all three types of spotty cat to compare and contrast: leopards, cheetahs and jaguars. The only downside is that you get very hot and tired walking around in the heat. There is a hop on, hop off train with commentary which is helpful to cover some ground.

This time visiting Singapore we did the Night Safari which is where you go to a different bit of the zoo at night to see nocturnal animals. My lovely husband had been when he was in Singapore for work and seen the Fishing Cats jumping in the water after fish. I was keen to see them for myself. Fishing Cats are super-cute but this time they just sitting by the waterside or pacing about. The Night Safari had a train with commentary going around most of the zoo which was good to save the feet but didn't give you much time to look at the animals. However the bits where we walked around by ourselves were actually a bit spooky at it was quite dark and forested with not many people about and lots of strange noises. Generally, I think I prefer the daytime zoo visit.

Gardens by the Bay

This was our favourite outing while in Singapore. The outdoor gardens were huge and beautifully put together and free to visit. It was well worth paying to enter the two big cool domes, though.

 The cloud forest was particularly lovely to visit as you step into a cool, moist space after the heat and humidity of Singapore. The space is about six stories high with walkways all over the place to admire the different plants and the waterfall.

If you've got children, the Children's Garden had a brilliant free water feature for kids to splash around in with sensors and timers causing shrieks of delight as buckets of water tipped over or jets shot out of the ground. There were several adults getting in on the action too!

We ate masses of delicious little satay sticks with peanut sauce, clumps of rice and slices of cucumber at Satay by the Bay which is a little outdoor food court set in the gardens, overlooking the Singapore river.

Lucky Plaza food court
Lucky Plaza is one of the old style Singaporean malls full of odd cheap stores selling freshwater pearls, electronics, tailors hawking for business, re-packaged make up samples (I got a Clarins cleanser sample and an Estee Lauder Pleasures sample) and more. I like it much better than the ridiculously expensive and glossy malls which clump around Orchard Road. The best bit of the Lucky Plaza mall is the food court in the basement. There was a range of cheap, authentic Asian food. They have a good food rating system in Singapore so you can be confident that food is safely prepared. We got delicious and filling main meals for lunch or dinner for about 2 or 3 pounds each.

Hotels and transport
Hotels in Singapore are expensive, but I do think it's worth finding one that's a short walk from Orchard Road and that has a swimming pool. An afternoon swim was just the ticket after getting hot and tired walking around and it is such a luxury for it to be warm enough for wimps like me to dive into the water.

This visit was the first time that I'd used the MRT train system, but I can highly recommend it as a cheap and easy way to get around. It's very similar to the London underground but less busy and cleaner. If you're arriving with just hand luggage, the MRT from the airport is much cheaper than a taxi. With luggage, it seems a taxi to your hotel is the only choice but it was only about 10 pounds for us from the airport to a central hotel so that's fine, I think.

So, if you haven't been to Singapore and you're heading anywhere in that direction, put a few days stopover on your itinerary and make time to check out some of the attractions. Let me know if you've got any other tips as I'm sure I'll be back there at some point. 

Four and a half highlights of London (for tourists)

So a wee while ago I posted about planning a visit to the UK and kind of dissed London. The lovely Duchesse mentioned that I was possibly being a little unfair as it is one of the great cities of the world. So I thought I'd let you know about some of my favourite places of visit and things to do while in London town.

The V & A
I've written before about how much I love this place. It's very me. A repository of the most beautiful things made by people. My favourite bits are the dresses and jewellery but even things you think won't be interesting like say 'ironwork' have amazing examples of craftsmanship and are nicely displayed with information to put them in context.

On a practical note, unlike the nearby Science museum, I've never seen a queue to get into the V & A and there's always room to move inside. The temporary exhibitions like the recent David Bowie retrospective get very busy with sold out shows and timed entry, but there's plenty to look at without bothering with them.

Also, the tearooms are worth a visit of their own accord. Squeeze into the William Morris room (you might have to share a table) and enjoy the view with your Devonshire tea. Admission is free.

Kew Gardens
I've only been once so far, but it was one of the highlights of an earlier visit to England. Kew Gardens are huge and varied and just beautiful. I saw two and a half squirrels (the half is a probable but not definite sighting). The little shops and tea rooms are excellent. It's not particularly cheap to get in, but it is a whole day's entertainment. Did you know there were historic buildings there as well as all the lovely garden stuff? I recommend having a good look at the Royal Palace where King George III was held during his periods of 'madness'. 

The Wallace Collection
This is my top recommendation of all the huge and amazing art galleries in London - largely because it's not so huge! Also, it's in a lovely old building and does have a good collection of art and object d'art. Admission is free.

 Regent's Park
Mainly the Boating Lake and the squirrels. There are very fat, tame squirrels to be seen in Regent's Park which is nice if you're from somewhere lacking in the squirrel department. Also, you can (and should) hire pedalo boats and paddle about the Boating Lake, admiring the different types of water fowl and generally taking the air. 





One last recommendation - check what's on and book something that takes your fancy. It could be a concert at the O2 arena, some theatre at Shakespeare's Globe (highly recommended if you're into that sort of thing), opera, stand up comedy, a big flashy musical... there is always so much going on and while a lot of it is quite expensive, it is amazing.

So, what do you think - have I missed anything vital? Any suggestions.

Women, for the love of all that's holy - wear a suit!

Christine Lagarde

 I recently sat in a training course for new managers and something struck my eye. The guys were all wearing formal shirts and trousers but the women were wearing a wide range of things including including some of them in very casual and obviously worn clothing.

This has also bugged me about women politicians. Why oh why do they match themselves up against guys in suits by wearing a shapeless blouse?

My plea is this - we know that males are already likely to be taken more seriously as authority figures, promoted more, paid more... why let them have the advantage of looking smart and appropriate too?

Actually, I'm not really insisting that women wear suits as such, 'cos I certainly don't (except for job interviews) I'm just pleading that we dress like grown up, professional, appropriately formally presented people.

Julia Gillard, ex-Prime Minister of Australia

I know that self-presentation is only a tiny factor in success at work and that there are many who are very successful while looking like they were dragged through a hedge but still, I think we women should take any advantage we can get. Presenting ourselves as authority figures by using garments that traditionally signal authority is an easy and relatively painless exercise.

Wearing reasonably formal clothing to work does not need to cost any more or take any more time. So why not?

Helen Clark and Condoleezza Rice

I believe that how you present yourself is important, whether that's in writing, on social media, in how you speak, the things you say, how you dress.  I think it's especially important for those who have been promoted to manage their peers. A level of formality in dress and behaviour signals 'I'm your boss now - our relationship has changed'. How you present yourself affects how you get treated.

So, what do you think? Wear what you want and damn the torpedoes? 

How to stay married

Ivy symbolises constancy in the language of flowers

As Valentine's Day looms, I've been thinking about how my husband and I have managed to stay married for 13 years so far and whether I might have any advice.  I'm feeling very cautious about the advice but here goes...

1. Be lucky. Very, very lucky. My marriage is one of the great blessings of my life. I know how lucky I am to have such a good man at my side and to have had him around for so long (we've been together since we were teenagers).

2. Work on living out your wedding vows day to day, whatever they happen to have been. Mine were Anglican and they pretty well sum up how I see marriage:

To love, comfort, honour and protect each other, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to each other as long as you both shall live.

"To have and to hold
from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part...

With my body I honour you, all that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you."

3. Similarly, regardless of your religious beliefs, work on the 'Love is...' stuff from the the Bible (1 Corinthians, chapter 13 verses 4 to 6).

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

I particularly like the persevering bit. No-one is perfectly patient and kind etc. but we can say sorry and keep on trying to be the best partner we can be.  

4. Keep your sense of commitment through all the stuff above (sickness, health, better, worse etc.) Keep talking, spending time together, doing and saying nice things even through the tough times and you'll be more likely to be in good shape to enjoy the good times. 

5. Know thyself and keep working on knowing your partner too. I'm still learning (and re-learning the tough lessons) about myself. I keep changing so it's an endless task! I'm still surprised to learn things about my husband that either I never knew or that have changed. Don't drift apart - keep growing together like two ivy plants with space around the roots but branches twined together.  

I do hope this post has been helpful... Let me know if you're feeling inspired or discouraged, if you agree or want to challenge some points in the comments below.